i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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