My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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