i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
