I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
