I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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