I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
