everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
