So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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