Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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