There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
