i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
