for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
