Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
