What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
