I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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