he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
