what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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