i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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