she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
