so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
