Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
