she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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