You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
