If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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