She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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