Your dad touched me again.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
