I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I love having hate sex.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
