take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
