Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
