Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
