Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
