I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
