I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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