I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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