Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
well most of my day revolves around power hour
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
