My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Holy sore nipples Batman
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
