I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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