What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
