Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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