I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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