i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is Oprah even human
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
