He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
