Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
