Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
