I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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