we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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