Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
