Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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