Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
