If i come over, it means nothing
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
