thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
